


No Walls Can Keep Me Protected

by babbyspanch



Category: Wooden Overcoats
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, their first smooch is in a graveyard which is sort of fun thematically speaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babbyspanch/pseuds/babbyspanch
Summary: 'Two men stand alone in a graveyard' sounds like the start of a very bad joke, but Rudyard isn't kidding around.





	

Rudyard had a bit of a temper. When Rudyard saw something he hated it was hard for him to keep his feelings in check.

And Rudyard Funn hated many things.

He hated squirrels, he hated the cold, he hated flowers, he hated the new trend of neon colours the village delinquents had taken to wearing, but most of all he hated Chapman.

He was able to hate Chapman the most out of _all_ of these examples because Chapman had more things to hate _about_ him.

He didn't like the screaming chittering noises squirrels made when you got too close to their nest. He didn’t like the way his fingers would lose feeling and blood in the cold, reminding him a little too much of the mortuary. He didn’t like the associations that rode on the backs of so many flowers-- they were just plants after all. The highlighter bright colours the teenagers insisted on wearing were showy and ridiculous.

But Chapman. There wasn’t _one_ thing to hate about Chapman. There were many.

So many that Rudyard had made an ordered list, numbered from 1-9-- least horrible to the most-- of the things he hated most about Eric Chapman.

It went as follows:

 

  1. **The way Chapman pretend to be very kind and thoughtful.** Which was an obvious act that no one appeared clever enough to see through but him and Georgie. What Rudyard hated most about it was that he sort of respected it-- from a purely manipulation based standpoint.
  2. **Chapman’s habit of speaking very, very, fast but only when he was very, very, nervous.** Rudyard hated how Chapman’s hands would twist up and his jaw would work too fast and his eyes would flit around like they were trying to stay locked on a particularly energetic bee. It was uncomfortable to watch. He was used to the overly confident and suave Chapman. Which brought him to number three.
  3. **How overly confident and suave Chapman was.**
  4. **His name was ‘Eric’.** As someone named Rudyard with a sister named Antigone he had been wary of all people with ‘normal’ sounding names from an evolutionary standpoint.
  5. **His complete lack of comprehension when it came to things Chapman didn’t actually _want_ to know.** Georgie did not want to date him. Rudyard did not want to talk to him. Chapman, the master of all things subtle about human communication suddenly was blind to every cue. it was horribly transparent and drove Rudyard up the wall.
  6. **The fake effortlessness in the man’s appearance.** It drove Rudyard absolutely mad. He had once heard the term ‘premeditated dishevelment’ and thought it fit Eric Chapman to a ‘T’. He’d seen the man buying a curling iron in the shop and ridden high on the knowledge that the lazy swirl of Chapman’s hair was carefully executed for an entire week.
  7. **Chapman’s business sense.** It made Rudyard want to commit several felonies, including but not limited to: arson, grand larceny, insurance fraud and perhaps some tax evasion thrown in for an extra little something.
  8. **Chapman went jogging.** Every bloody morning. The major problem with this was Rudyard had a seat at the kitchen table he liked very much. He had been sitting there for most of his life and wasn't about to let that fact that his seat faced the window change his morning routine. Even now that it was becoming warmer and apparently running with a shirt on was just, infuriatingly, not the thing that was done anymore.
  9. **Chapman’s smile.** Easily the top, absolutely, _most_ hated element of the man, completely. Rudyard didn’t mean the fake one Chapman gave grieving widows, or orphans begging for change or whoever else he wanted to impress with the fake soft smile that had been calculated down to the slightly tilted angle of Chapman’s head.



 

No, Rudyard meant Chapman’s ugly smile. The harsh one. The _real_ one that hardly ever made an appearance.

It was wide and boastful, his giant  teeth white and too large in his mouth, a few slight gaps between them that became very obvious. It made his dimples come out and turned Chapman’s eyes into a wrinkled mess. And it was overwhelmingly, overbearingly, honest.

Rudyard could not fucking stand it.

He couldn’t stand how much it made him stare. How he could _not_ stop thinking about it. How he never seemed to see the smile on Chapman’s face when he wasn’t talking to Rudyard.

How it gave him a twisted feeling in his chest and made Rudyard want to ugly grin right back.

Said ugly grin was on Chapman’s face now. They were standing in the graveyard where it was very cold and squirrels were ominously gathering in the surrounding trees. Chapman asked Rudyard if he wanted to have a cup of something warm at his place and Rudyard agreed, surprising them both.

Then Chapman let loose that horrible, awful, honest smile, and Rudyard couldn't hold back any longer.

It was just too many things Rudyard hated all piling up.

“I changed my mind. Leave now, if you please, Chapman.”

The smile on Chapman’s face shrunk down until Rudyard could no longer count any teeth at all and Eric blinked twice, slowly.

“But. You’ve just agreed to--”

“Yes, yes. I know what I agreed to-- but I’ve decided I don’t want to anymore. And you didn’t make me sign anything or speak on oath of any sort, so I believe changing my mind is _quite_ within my rights, thank you _very much_.” Rudyard said, voice clipped. He turned on his heel and started striding out of the graveyard, going as fast as he could while still looking casual and in control.

“Hey, now!” Chapman called out from behind him. Rudyard continued striding. “It isn’t about going back on your-- _bugger_ , can’t you just--”

There was a warm hand on Rudyard’s shoulder quite suddenly. He hadn’t heard the footsteps coming up behind him. Yet another addition to the Chapman list, he was too damn quiet. Rudyard tried to continue striding, but the hand tightened its grip and guided him into turning around.

Chapman was doing yet another genuine expression with his face. It was twisted up and wrinkled-- an awful lot like the smile, only Chapman’s eyebrows were drawn sharply together in concern.

With any luck, Rudyard would hit twelve items for his list in no time.

“Just listen for a moment, would you?”

Rudyard opened his mouth to say ‘no I would not’, but he was interrupted once more by that same damnable warm hand covering the entire lower half of his face.

“Jesus, you try so _hard_ to make it difficult to talk to you.” Chapman muttered, leaving Rudyard just a little confused. Normally he didn’t have to try much at all for people to find it hard to talk with him. “I just--”

Chapman looked like he was having a stressful time with whatever he was trying to say.

Good.

“You smiled. At me.” Chapman said, the words appearing to burst through his better judgement, falling fast from the man’s mouth. “When you agreed to come back to mine. You had that smile you get. When things go well for you. Or you-- Or you finally get something you want.” Chapman let his hand slip from Rudyard’s face and his eyes raced back and forth, following nothing in the cold air. Rudyard watched Chapman’s hands twist together. “So I thought maybe, _possibly_ , you had been--? Wanting to say yes for a while now. I know I have. Been wanting you to agree, that is. And then you changed your mind and--? I’m just not sure which of us you’re lying to right now.”

Rudyard felt his jaw tighten. “Chapman, look--”

“Please-- for _bloody_ once-- call me Eric.”

There are some moments in life that are a proverbial fork in the road.

You make a choice, go down one of the roads, and have a completely different life than you would have if you picked the other.

Mostly, it’s hard to tell these moments apart from the normal ones.

Rudyard often had trouble identifying moments like that, often too wrapped up in himself to worry about his actual life.

But this time. He could tell. This was one of those moments, and Rudyard could feel it vibrating in every one of his bones. Could taste on the tip of his tongue and feel pressed into his skin.

“Eric,” He said, voice rough.

Chapman looked like the rug had been pulled out from under him. He took a moment to recover, stepping closer to where Rudyard was shivering in the chill.

“Rudyard,” He said in response, stepping closer still. His eyes were very green in this light.

Rudyard ran a hand through his hair, blinking a few times very quickly. “Fine. Coffee. We can have coffee.”

There was that damnable smile again. It made Rudyard want to reach out, touch Eric, who was now only a foot in front of him at best. Eric beat him to it, raising a hand to settle on Rudyard’s shoulder, Chapman’s thumb brushing the cold, exposed skin of his neck.

“Dear lord, you’re freezing.” Eric murmured, letting his hand slide up to fully press against the side of Rudyard’s neck. It began to warm instantly.

“That does tend to happen when one is stuck out in the cold,” Rudyard said, matching Chapman’s low tone.

Eric came closer still, his eyes flicking down lower on Rudyard’s face. Oh. Eric was looking at his lips. Which had, at some point, curved up into a smile. Rudyard felt his breath catch. There was no issue with feeling cold now. Just overwhelming warmth.

“Can I--?” Eric began, but Rudyard was already nodding. And grabbing Eric’s fancy tie. And pulling him even closer.

And finally, finally. Kissing him.

Their lips met and everything felt loud and quiet all at once.

Rudyard felt Eric’s thumb drag over his cheekbone, leaving a trail of warmth.

Eric let out a small noise and Rudyard pushed even closer. His hand slid up Chapman’s neck and curled into the blond hair at the nape of his neck. Eric’s lips were warm and addictive. Rudyard couldn’t help but suck Eric’s bottom lip into his mouth. Chapman let out another noise, and Rudyard had to draw back slowly, resting his forehead against Eric’s. Slowly, he blinked open his eyes and met Eric’s green ones, looking at him from closer than ever before.

Rudyard let his fingers drag up and down Eric’s neck.

Eric kissed him again, softer this time. Almost tentative.

Rudyard smiled into the kiss and stepped closer. Chapman yelped and Rudyard realized he had stepped quite heavily on his foot. He yanked back from the kiss and watched Chapman for a reaction.

Chapman let out a spluttering laugh, just as ugly as his smile. Something rose in Rudyard’s chest, affectionate and horrible.

“Well,” Eric said, after he finished laughing, “let’s consider taking a breather for just a while. I happen to know a charming little cafe that I think you might take a shine to.”

Eric let his hand fall from Rudyard’s neck, brushing along his arm on the way down. Their knuckles bumped together. Rudyard started walking toward their street, Chapman in step beside him.

“I might do, if it hadn’t been nabbing all my business.”

“I think you might enjoy it anyway.” Instead of Eric’s fingers tangling and twisting together out of nerves, he tangled them with Rudyard’s as they walked home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> title from Hurricane Drunk-- florence and the machine, bc i was blasting it while posting this fic  
> I'm not caught up with this amazing podcast yet but let me tell you im mcflipping lovin it  
> lesbiantex.tumblr.com if u want to chat me up about these horrible boys (please my plants are dying and I need content)


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